Bla! Bla! Bla!

I lived many years not listening, not hearing and in complete denial.   I do believe denial has a purpose but be careful don't let it take over! it happens quickly like quick sand, your head will be buried and your life will not change!  You will be a victim of everyone and everything.  You will wonder why everything happens to you? Why you cant be happy?  You will have excuses for not doing not being not changing - you will believe these things as if they were your truths....

Believe me!  You can change, you can be joyous, happy and free

All you need is a little willingness, a little faith and a bit of self discipline too!

Information Please!

I remember the day I found the library - I knew about libraries, of course, as we went to the library regularly in grade school.  As crazy as this may sound - the library turned out to be one of the greatest gifts of my life!  I was able to learn about anything and everything - cooking, cleaning, trimming trees, pruning rose bushes, fertilizing, crafting, novels, taking care of pets, bird watching, fixing things, and all of this for FREE!    The library became my place; I went every Friday I went row by row.  It was in the library that I learned for the very first time in my life that I could just sit and be quiet.  Those were some of the best days of my life.  

If the best forecaster for future behavior

 is past behavior,

 what needs to happen?

Change, Change, Change!

February 4, 2011 Dear Son,

Now to continue our story – None of these changes were easy, and I could not have done it without help, asking for help is very hard to do and takes so much courage and when you ask for help you have to be prepared to follow thru!  My mom, once I stopped pushing away was and still is my biggest fan and helped me get into the National Education Center, where I really began to see potential in myself, gained self confidence, I was smart, I even was put on the Dean’s List!  Graduated top of my class!   Then there were the parenting classes! What a huge eye opener for me….Did you know – If you ask your child to do something and you get no response you should get up, walk over to the child, look them in the eye and ask again?  Yelling from the couch is not appropriate!  Who knew?  Reading to your child at night – hugging your child – telling your child how special, smart, and wonderful they are – actually going to the parent meetings at the school – my God I was working harder than I ever had in my life – trust me there were many times I wanted to give up but the thing is I had help now, once you reach out it is amazing what happens.  I had the support of my meetings, the school – my counselor – and The Family Connection, where we were both going…

 It was very hard to look at myself without any armor, seeing truths that were stuffed down so deep and covered with miles of denial!  To this day I continue to work on myself one major battle is with anger which many times in the past turned into Rage.

Out Of Control!

I will never forget the day I was watching Dr. Phil

 He was helping a young couple with their Out of Control kids

 His words made the hair on the back of my neck stand up!

If the parents are Out of Control the kids will be too!

Monkey See Monkey Do

Children are like this!  Everything they see you do, they will do, everything they hear you say, they will say..This is how they are learning how they will interact with the world....If you are screaming - they will scream - if you are hitting - they will hit...


Praise Praise Praise,  this is a SECRETE that no one tells you, children hear praise, they feel praise, So Easy!  Praise the good behavior!  

February 3, 2011 Dear Son,

I have so many thoughts running thru my head, sometimes I can’t sleep, there is so much I want to tell you and so little time with life pulling in so many directions. 

Tonight I want to write about guilt or maybe it is remorse – There were many times I drank and used to not feel the guilt and remorse which, of course, causes a cycle that I had no idea how to get out of!   I looked up the word guilt and the answer:  A cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes accurately or not-that he or she has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.  It is closely related to remorse which I looked up: Is an emotional expression of personal regret felt by a person after he or she has committed an act which they deem to be shameful, hurtful, or violent.

I have felt both guilt and remorse and I have regrets – what I want you to know is that I do not wallow in my guilt, nor does it control my life today.  I believe some guilt and remorse are healthy in that it reminds me not to repeat those actions or decisions again.   Through healthy clean living I have been able to release, let go of – not shut the door completely but enough so I can be happy joyous and free!  I have made my amends to you and countless others who were in the middle of my storms. 

Most of my amends today are my ACTIONS, ACTIONS DO SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, MY EXAMPLE, how am I behaving how am I acting?