Dear Son, February 16, 2012

Today I was driving with Reef in the car, doing some errands for the company and it was such a great feeling, he is doing so good and becoming a wonderful man....I was so proud and happy I just let the feeling wash over me, and then tonight in Yogo,  I was thinking of you and how I had that same feeling with you - remember when we were shopping with Grandma by the beach?  We had picked you up from a sober living home - you were sober, I was sober, I remember being so proud of you and so happy that you were laughing and smiling as we lugged purchases around and made fun of Grandma...That was one of the hardest years for me before you went to jail,  you were on the streets doing heroin, calling me from crazy places, freezing cold with chattering teeth at a bus stop or not calling me at all!  I was so scared that you were going to die out there.   I was always secretly happy when you would go to jail because then I knew you were being fed, not on drugs, and sleeping in a bed, not under a bridge...So tonight I played a scene in my mind, with you and me in the car and Kennedy in the back seat.  God, I could feel your happiness and we were on the way to the cabin!  Sometimes I feel like life is made of movie clips, you know, like the different stages of our lives.  To me, this is just a clip in your life, your prison clip, and I am so excited to see the whole movie!!!

Dear Son, February 7, 2012

Lance, my heart is breaking, they are taking Kennedy and moving to Las Vegas,  the selfish part of me wants to rant and rave and say NO!  Don't Go!.....The rational part of me sees that - this is their journey not mine!  I see the housing opportunities, the good job, and that Jennifer will be able to stay at home and go to school! What a Miracle....They look so good, they look so ready, letting Go is so hard - but a must in this life... 

So now - I must change and open to a new direction a new adventure - a new schedule to visit my Grandson in Las Vegas, and now I am seeing the excitement, the summer visits with Grandma to the Cabin, on the Ranch...This is doable - this is ok - I see my heart now, not breaking, expanding and opening!

Lance, I love you, I love the gift you have given me in Kennedy 

Love Mom

Dear Son, January 21, 2011

Dear Lance,

Please try not to live in Self Pity

 It will take you down

 You will get out and the world will be waiting!

Remember, everyone you meet has a story

Has been down a rutted road 

 This is your chance to reach out and help others

It does not matter if you are in prison, a palace, the desert

 Across the country or next door

The best remedy I know to get out of self is to be of service

I have been pushed and shoved

I have been beaten

I have been molested

I have been ignored

I have been a teenager pregnant 

I have been poor

I have used food stamps

I have been screamed at 

I have lived with violence

I have had my face pushed in pavement

I have lost a brother to suicide 

I have been addicted and drunk

I have been lost 

I have known self pity

I have known depression 

I have seen cancer ravage a body

I have been widowed 

I have grieved 

The good news...

 I am clean and sober

I am free from bondage

I have tools to help me 

I am of service every day

I Am Free!

To Be Me

Lance I love you so much!

Dear son, January 17, 2012

I Spent last two weekends with Kennedy and boy oh boy did I have to reach down and remember those parenting classes.  Kennedy is now in the 2 1/2 stage - Wow!  This adorable little boy has turned into a monster! He used to go right to sleep - not anymore he wants to play and stay up.  He throws himself on the ground with temper tantrums that are truly a masterpiece...his screams scare the birds out of trees. 

I was reading an article about 2 year olds 

Characteristics of Two (and a half) Year Old Behavior

• 2 1/2 year olds are rigid and inflexible. They want exactly what they want, when they want it. They cannot adapt, give in, wait a little while. Everything has to be done just so. Everything has to be right in the place they consider proper. For any domestic routine, they set up a rigid sequence of events which must always follow each other always in exactly the same manner.
• They are extremely domineering and demanding. They must give orders. They must make the decisions. If they decide, “mummy do”, daddy cannot be accepted as substitute. If they decide, “Me do it myself”, then no one is allowed to help them, no matter how awkward or incapable they themselves may be.
• 2 1/2 is an age of violent emotions. There is little modulation to the emotional life of children this age.
• It is an age of opposite extremes. With no ability to choose between alternatives (it is almost impossible for 2 1/2′s to make a clear cut choice and stick to it). Children of this age shuttle back and forth endlessly between two extremes, seeming to be trying to include both in their decision. “I will – I won’t”, “I want – I don’t want it”, “Go out – stay in”. If someone doesn’t cut into this back and forth shuttling, it has been known to go on for upwards of an hour or more. The decision of what clothes to wear may ursurp a whole morning for a conflict-ridden 2 1/1 year old.
• Another characteristic of this is age is preservation – that is, the children want to go on and on with whatever they are doing. Not only right at the moment but from day to day. If you read four stories before bedtime yesterday, they want four stories – and the same ones, too – today. It is very difficult with many children this age to introduce new clothes, new pieces of furniture, new things to eat. They want things to go on just the way they have always been or at least hold on to the old as new things are added.

ALL TRUE

Managing a two and a half year olds behavior

• Working around the behaviour characteristics of two and a half is often much more successful than trying to meet them head on. (For us with Babaganouski, I know that he will always want me to read his lunch time story before his nap. He often doesn’t want to stop playing though to go to bed. On weekends, I give him the choice of coming to have the story with me now, or in 10 minutes and dad will read the story. He always stops playing and comes with me!)
• Streamline all routines, limit choices and avoid situations where the child takes over.
• Great patience, a real understanding of the difficulties of the age, and a willingness to use endless techniques to get around rigidities and rituals and stubbornness will help get through through the time till the difficult 2 1/2 year old turns 3.

What I learned a long time ago in parenting classes to ignore bad behavior and praise good behavior!!  Hands down - some of the best advice ever!  Works with any age, even co workers!....We are learning to tame the beast!

Dear Son,

THE BLAME GAME!

One of the most powerful lessons I have learned

 Not to blame others!

  If only he....If only she....If you would...

Instead of pointing your finger out - try this new approach....Point your finger in the other direction

That's right!  At yourself....and ask these questions 

Could I have done something different to help the situation?

What can I do next time to help?  

Am I bringing what I want brought into the situation?

The only person we can change is ourselves, so you might as well take a good look at YOU 

It is truly amazing how when I stop directing at you and start directing at me everything looks different

 As a matter of fact I find out that it really isn't about you at all

It has always been about me 

Learning to accept me

Learning to love me

Learning to just Be Me

I love you Son

Happy New Year Son, January 4, 2012

Lance,  

A new Year, the road is open,  look both ways and remember

 God is always with you

Love,
Mom