LETTERS TO MY SON

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Dear Lance, "That's My Grandma"!

Jen sent me this photo, he driving around with box on his head....

Wow! The last three weeks have been Crazy, we have finally finished moving Mom from Oak Glen to Redlands, it was a hard move to make, very emotional for her - Thank God the leasing market is doing so well we were able to find a wonderful couple with two kids to lease to. I know she will be much happier in Redlands even though so beautiful there - so much upkeep. The economy continues to kick our butts although we are fighting back and working harder than ever before to survive it.

Kennedy came last Monday for a quick visit, I added more videos to YouTube! He is so funny! He is talking up a storm, learning to unlock doors, and the go go go....

My favorite part of the day - Kennedy is standing at the front door - opening and closing, he looks up and says very loud "Thats My Grandma!" pointing to me My heart is full - I love that boy...

We are planning our visit to you - in April - looking forward to the visit

I love you Lance

Saturday, March 17, 2012

A visit with Kennedy

Dear Lance,

I was finally able to drive to Las Vegas and visit Kennedy! What a whirlwind of a trip! I wanted to leave on Friday but ended up leaving Saturday getting to Vegas about 3:00 then leaving on Sunday about 3:00 - 24 hours of Kennedy is better than no hours!

I had so much fun, he cracks me up, he was all into a show he had seen at the aquarium with pirates and mermaids, so I made up a song with him, remember "a pirates life for me" and he and I would get our arms going back and forth and sing - he loves to sing! Then we went to Walmart, of course, and found a monkey scene set for the bathroom he uses. Found some toys too! Then to McDonald's for ice cream cones.

I gave Kennedy a bath in his "new" bathroom and Will found a pirate book at Walmart for before bed reading and we all sat on the floor in his bedroom and read the book.

I love that I can concentrate on just Kennedy - turn the world off and be a Grandma - Roll on the floor, sing funny songs, kiss and hug all over him...Nothing beats that kids smile and big brown eyes!

He is so smart! Jennifer sent me a text with a little story of Kennedy - she fed him lunch and went to do something upstairs, when she came back his plate was gone, and she asked "did you finish your lunch"? and he said "yes" Latter that day when she was cleaning the kitchen she found his lunch at the bottom of the trash can! Not only smart enough to put in trash but to bring plate to the sink!!!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

March 1st, 2012

Dear Son, I can't believe it is March 1st already! For me time is flying by and I know for you time creeps like a snail...We are visiting Kennedy next weekend and I can hardly wait! The art above is Kennedy's first art work - I am going to frame it!

I love when I first see Kennedy - he will run, and I mean run with arms wide - Grandma! then he immediately starts looking around me for Will, aka Grandpa! After hugging and kissing he will start looking for my purse or "goody bag" which he knows I will have full if treats and toys just for him! I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me a Grandma, I love it! I see you in him every time and it is sometimes so sad - to remember where we were at his age - although I do not dwell there, mostly I try to be present and accounted for and to let my child spirit free to play and love.

I will send a full report when I come back! My visit with you is getting closer too! Yippie

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Dear Son, February 16, 2012

Today I was driving with Reef in the car, doing some errands for the company and it was such a great feeling, he is doing so good and becoming a wonderful man....I was so proud and happy I just let the feeling wash over me, and then tonight in Yogo, I was thinking of you and how I had that same feeling with you - remember when we were shopping with Grandma by the beach? We had picked you up from a sober living home - you were sober, I was sober, I remember being so proud of you and so happy that you were laughing and smiling as we lugged purchases around and made fun of Grandma...That was one of the hardest years for me before you went to jail, you were on the streets doing heroin, calling me from crazy places, freezing cold with chattering teeth at a bus stop or not calling me at all! I was so scared that you were going to die out there. I was always secretly happy when you would go to jail because then I knew you were being fed, not on drugs, and sleeping in a bed, not under a bridge...So tonight I played a scene in my mind, with you and me in the car and Kennedy in the back seat. God, I could feel your happiness and we were on the way to the cabin! Sometimes I feel like life is made of movie clips, you know, like the different stages of our lives. To me, this is just a clip in your life, your prison clip, and I am so excited to see the whole movie!!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Dear Son, February 7, 2012

Lance, my heart is breaking, they are taking Kennedy and moving to Las Vegas, the selfish part of me wants to rant and rave and say NO! Don't Go!.....The rational part of me sees that - this is their journey not mine! I see the housing opportunities, the good job, and that Jennifer will be able to stay at home and go to school! What a Miracle....They look so good, they look so ready, letting Go is so hard - but a must in this life...

So now - I must change and open to a new direction a new adventure - a new schedule to visit my Grandson in Las Vegas, and now I am seeing the excitement, the summer visits with Grandma to the Cabin, on the Ranch...This is doable - this is ok - I see my heart now, not breaking, expanding and opening!