Take out the Trash!

Dear Son,

One of my most valuable lessons!

You know how living on the Ranch, we had NO City Trash pick up? Well that was a huge problem for me. Rusty and I would fight about it all of the time. Get rid of that trash! Once every two months or so, if we were lucky, Rusty would put that crazy wood box, and it would be completely over full spilling out everywhere, the dogs usually found some too by now! I would get so mad over that trash...

In one of my counselling sessions I was ranting and raving about this trash and how Rusty was making me miserable with all of this trash! Nancy, my councilor, just listened and nodded, when I finished my rant she asked me, "how come you don't take care of the trash?" I sat in stunned silence, it had never occurred to me to just handle it. That night when Rusty came home, I told him I was going to order trash service if the trash could not be taken every three weeks. He was mad! Rusty did not like to spend money on such frivolous things when he could do it himself, I did not respond to him, did not argue about it, and would you believe, the very next day that trash was gone? The trash was faithfully taken away from then on until Rusty got so sick and I ordered trash service....

We always have choices, and we do not have to settle....

Love you forever

Happy Fathers Day

Dear Lance,


I had a wonderful visit with you! When I think back to the times when I did not know where you were, or how you were living, I thank God that you are still alive, even though prison is not a place where a parent wants to see their kids - you are alive, you look good, we laugh, hug and talk!

While at the cabin we watched a movie called Courages, it was a wonderful movie about being a Father. I have saved the movie for you and it now goes on my list of books/movies that are life changers.

There is so much responsibility to being a parent and fathers carry a huge load... I found this wonderful article which I will share with you, it was called The Responsible Fatherhood Curriculum and has great articles with tons of information.

Introduction to Responsible Fatherhood
What Are My Values?
Boys to Men: Experiencing Manhood
The Art of Communication
Fathers as Providers
Noncustodial Fathers: Rights and Responsibilities
Developing Values in Children
Coping as a Single Father
Dealing with Children’s Behaviors
Relationships: Being a Friend, Partner, Parent, and Employee
Understanding Male-Female Relationships
Managing Conflict and Handling Anger
Handling Anger and Conflict on the Job
Surviving on the Job
The Issue of Race/Racism Part I
The Issue of Race/Racism Part II
Taking Care of Business
Managing Your Time and Money
Building a Support Network: Who’s on Your Side?
Alcohol and Drug Use and Abuse Part I
Alcohol and Drug Use and Abuse Part II
Healthful Eating

I know that you are going to be a wonderful Father to Kennedy and I love you so much!  

Dear Lance,

I am so excited!  Only two more weeks until our visit with you....So much to be grateful for!  We continue to stay afloat in the business, We are working WAY too hard with not much "down" time, so this visit is much anticipated!!!  Thank you so much for the Mothers Day Card - very beautiful .

I was thinking this morning how hard it must be for you to stay happy and motivated in there, it is so depressing even the color GREY... I love sending you color...For many years I struggled with "finding happiness"  One of my secrets is to always have something to look forward to...It may seem silly but it works..For instance, during the week, especially when things get really hectic and stressful I look forward to having a Mint Mentos, they come in many flavors but mint is my favorite, it is really strong so the first taste takes me immediately away from the stress of the day and it will last until I get home!   I also have, my morning meditation, yoga during the week, coffee and a good book on Sunday morning, pulling weeds! (I know most people do not like pulling weeds, I love it.)  For the long months I have the Cabin and visiting you , and I usually spend a weekend every two months with Tami and Dianna, girl time.  I have learned to take care of me, no one else will take as good care of me, as me.  So in this I was thinking of ways to help you look forward ...

I love sending you this blog with color, light, truth, heart and soul, I love sending you pictures of Kennedy dressed in bright colors.  I love being able to order the foods and snacks you like, or the extra bit of money now and then to make it more comfortable for you.  There is so much to be grateful for and the future is bright!

I love you Lance, can't wait for our visit....

Dear Lance, "That's My Grandma"!

Jen sent me this photo, he driving around with box on his head....

Wow!  The last three weeks have been Crazy, we have finally finished moving Mom from Oak Glen to Redlands, it was a hard move to make, very emotional for her - Thank God the leasing market is doing so well we were able to find a wonderful couple with two kids to lease to.  I know she will be much happier in Redlands even though so beautiful there - so much upkeep.  The economy continues to kick our butts although we are fighting back and working harder than ever before to survive it.

Kennedy came last Monday for a quick visit, I added more videos to YouTube!  He is so funny!  He is talking up a storm, learning to unlock doors, and the go go go....

My favorite part of the day - Kennedy is standing at the front door - opening and closing, he looks up and says very loud "Thats My Grandma!" pointing to me  My heart is full - I love that boy...

We are planning our visit to you - in April - looking forward to the visit

I love you Lance

A visit with Kennedy

Dear Lance,

I was finally able to drive to Las Vegas and visit Kennedy!  What a whirlwind of a trip!  I wanted to leave on Friday but ended up leaving Saturday getting to Vegas about 3:00 then leaving on Sunday about 3:00 - 24 hours of Kennedy is better than no hours!

I had so much fun, he cracks me up, he was all into a show he had seen at the aquarium with pirates and mermaids,  so I made up a song with him, remember "a pirates life for me"  and he and I would get our arms going back and forth and sing - he loves to sing!  Then we went to Walmart, of course, and found a monkey scene set for the bathroom he uses.  Found some toys too!  Then to McDonald's for ice cream cones. 

I gave Kennedy a bath in his "new" bathroom and  Will found a pirate book at Walmart for before bed reading and we all sat on the floor in his bedroom and read the book.  

I love that I can concentrate on just Kennedy - turn the world off and be a Grandma - Roll on the floor, sing funny songs, kiss and hug all over him...Nothing beats that kids smile and big brown eyes!

He is so smart!   Jennifer sent me a text with a little story of Kennedy - she fed him lunch and went to do something upstairs, when she came back his plate was gone, and she asked "did you finish your lunch"?  and he said "yes"  Latter that day when she was cleaning the kitchen she found his lunch at the bottom of the trash can!  Not only smart enough to put in trash but to bring plate to the sink!!!

March 1st, 2012

Dear Son,  I can't believe it is March 1st already!  For me time is flying by and I know for you time creeps like a snail...We are visiting  Kennedy next weekend and I can hardly wait!  The art above is Kennedy's first art work - I am going to frame it!

I love when I first see Kennedy - he will run, and I mean run with arms wide - Grandma!  then he immediately starts looking around me for Will, aka Grandpa!  After hugging and kissing he will start looking for my purse or "goody bag"  which he knows I will have full if treats and toys just for him!  I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me a Grandma, I love it!  I see you in him every time and it is sometimes so sad - to remember where we were at his age - although I do not dwell there, mostly I try to be present and accounted for and to let my child spirit free to play and love.

I will send a full report when I come back!  My visit with you is getting closer too!  Yippie

Dear Son, February 16, 2012

Today I was driving with Reef in the car, doing some errands for the company and it was such a great feeling, he is doing so good and becoming a wonderful man....I was so proud and happy I just let the feeling wash over me, and then tonight in Yogo,  I was thinking of you and how I had that same feeling with you - remember when we were shopping with Grandma by the beach?  We had picked you up from a sober living home - you were sober, I was sober, I remember being so proud of you and so happy that you were laughing and smiling as we lugged purchases around and made fun of Grandma...That was one of the hardest years for me before you went to jail,  you were on the streets doing heroin, calling me from crazy places, freezing cold with chattering teeth at a bus stop or not calling me at all!  I was so scared that you were going to die out there.   I was always secretly happy when you would go to jail because then I knew you were being fed, not on drugs, and sleeping in a bed, not under a bridge...So tonight I played a scene in my mind, with you and me in the car and Kennedy in the back seat.  God, I could feel your happiness and we were on the way to the cabin!  Sometimes I feel like life is made of movie clips, you know, like the different stages of our lives.  To me, this is just a clip in your life, your prison clip, and I am so excited to see the whole movie!!!