Friday, February 18, 2011

Rusty and I were married on January 12, 1990 4:00 Pm University of Redlands Chapel… You were our ring bearer, a big beautiful wedding - a day I will never forget, the happiest of my life!  Although a wonderful happy time - another “penny short” for you  with all of the preparations for the wedding and the month long honeymoon you were once again put on the back burner.   Adjusting to Instant family with yours, mine and ours, a very hard adjustment and joining families is a fine tight rope act, one that I am sorry to say I was not very good at. Everyone needs attention, everyone needs to know they are loved, special and cared for.  Unfortunately I was too selfish and immature at that time to put resentments and jealousies to the side and put ALL the kids first…

At this point I am pregnant with Reef, who could have been a Sail!   Here is what I want you to know… My love for you was NEVER less just different!  Here I was cleaning up our lives, getting help, reaching out, going to meetings, and really in love for the very first time in my life. Rusty was a Quaker, something I did not know much about, also completely different from any other, mostly abusive relationships I had been in.   So gentle, peaceful, and consistent, teaching me lessons that are with me today, so you see, being pregnant with Rusty’s baby was a real love story for me, he really was my prince who saved me.   I had a job, he had a job, we had money, and we had this beautiful property that I absolutely loved, we were married, and it felt like I had the world by a tail!  I am sure you felt totally ignored and the truth is, you were put again on the back burner, I honestly did the best I knew how - it just wasn’t enough.   Ok I need to stop again - the next segment of our lives is about losing my brother, your uncle.  Good night son,
Love mom  

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