Thursday, December 22, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
I have finally posted your letters and pictures on your blog to Kennedy, now that the Christmas Season is here things have started to slow down a bit. I am able to send you some great pictures of Kennedy too! I can't wait for you to see his you tube channel, it cracks me up, he is a total ham! I decorated for the first time since Rusty died, it felt weird and good at the same time, when I opened the keepsake box of all collected ornaments through the years I found your first baby ornament and I cried like a baby...No mother wants her son to be in prison for Christmas especially with Kennedy at this age - so excited about everything Christmas! He sits in his car seat and shrieks with delight at all of the lights...I bought him some great toys but the best thing is a play yard for their backyard-that kid loves to goooooo. We have also found a nanny that comes to the house and watches Emma and Kennedy and I love her, she loves the kids and they love her.
Please know that I love you, I pray for you, I believe in you, I cherish you, and I can't wait for you to come home - a changed man, wiser, older, and ready to face responsibilities....
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Pratyahara means drawing back or retreat. The word ahara means "nourishment"; pratyahara translates as "to withdraw oneself from that which nourishes the senses." It means our senses stop living off the things that stimulate; the senses no longer depend on these stimulants and are not fed by them any more.
Pratyahara occurs almost automatically when we meditate because we are so absorbed in the object of meditation. Precisely because the mind is so focused, the senses follow it; it is not happening the other way around.
Much of our emotional imbalance are our own creation. A person who is influenced by outside events and sensations can never achieve the inner peace and tranquility. This is because he or she will waste much mental and physical energy in trying to suppress unwanted sensations and to heighten other sensations. This will eventually result in a physical or mental imbalance, and will, in most instances, result in illness.
Patanjali says that the above process is at the root of human unhappiness and uneasiness. When people seek out yoga, hoping to find that inner peace which is so evasive, they find that it was theirs all along. In a sense, yoga is nothing more than a process which enables us to stop and look at the processes of our own minds; only in this way can we understand the nature of happiness and unhappiness, and thus transcend them both.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
After Rusty died I was kind of wondering aimlessly, and for an alcoholic, wondering aimlessly is not good!!! I had a friend ask if I wanted to go with her to Yoga, why not? I thought....So the next night there I was, scared, embarrassed, and feeling so stupid....I followed my friend, borrowed a mat and went in to the studio....First of all as I walked in I felt an incredible sensce of peace and acceptance...I felt like I belonged and that is not a feeling that comes to me very often....The doing of the yoga was actually very strenuous so thinking was out of the question! So one hour went by and I was not thinking of my sadness or grief, and I thought, What A Miracle! Besides my Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and friends and of course Kennedy, nothing had helped me so much! After each session there is a short meditation with music, and every single time they started the music tears came down my cheeks, a continual flow that I could not stop nor did I want to - more healing than therapy this was for me.
There is so much to learn in Yoga as there are so many different practices....I want you to know that Yoga has given me....
Friday, August 12, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Work from the inside out...
It really is non of your business what others think of you...
Knowledge is power! keep reading, keep learning...
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake!
You are young - I know your prison time seems like a lifetime...It is and isn't, use this time to change, read the yoga book I sent you even if you don't want to, read your big book...Believe that God has a plan for you and if you are quiet, really quiet, you just might hear it!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Pranayama is the measuring, control, and directing of the breath. Pranayama controls the energy (prana) within the organism, in order to restore and maintain health and to promote evolution. When the in-flowing breath is neutralized or joined with the out-flowing breath, then perfect relaxation and balance of body activities are realized. In yoga, we are concerned with balancing the flows of vital forces, then directing them inward to the chakra system and upward to the crown chakra.
Pranayama, or breathing technique, is very important in yoga. It goes hand in hand with the asana or pose. In the Yoga Sutra, the practices of pranayama and asana are considered to be the highest form of purification and self discipline for the mind and the body, respectively. The practices produce the actual physical sensation of heat, called tapas, or the inner fire of purification. It is taught that this heat is part of the process of purifying the nadis, or subtle nerve channels of the body. This allows a more healthful state to be experienced and allows the mind to become more calm.x As the yogi follows the proper rhythmic patterns of slow deep breathing "the patterns strengthen the respiratory system, soothe the nervous system and reduce craving. As desires and cravings diminish, the mind is set free and becomes a fit vehicle for concentration.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Asana is the practice of physical postures. It is the most commonly known aspect of yoga for those unfamiliar with the other seven limbs of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra. The practice of moving the body into postures has widespread benefits; of these the most underlying are improved health, strength, balance and flexibility. On a deeper level the practice of asana, which means "staying" or "abiding" in Sanskrit, is used as a tool to calm the mind and move into the inner essence of being. The challenge of poses offers the practitioner the opportunity to explore and control all aspects of their emotions, concentration, intent, faith, and unity between the physical and the ethereal body. Indeed, using asanas to challenge and open the physical body acts as a binding agent to bring one in harmony with all the unseen elements of their being, the forces that shape our lives through our responses to the physical world. Asana then becomes a way of exploring our mental attitudes and strengthening our will as we learn to release and move into the state of grace that comes from creating balance between our material world and spiritual experience.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Niyama means "rules" or "laws." These are the rules prescribed for personal observance. Like the yamas, the five niyamas are not exercises or actions to be simply studied. They represent far more than an attitude. Compared with the yamas, the niyamas are more intimate and personal. They refer to the attitude we adopt toward ourselves as we create a code for living soulfully
1. Sauca - Purity
The first niyama is sauca, meaning purity and cleanliness. Sauca has both an inner and an outer aspect. Outer cleanliness simply means keeping ourselves clean. Inner cleanliness has as much to do with the healthy, free functioning of our bodily organs as with the clarity of our mind. Asanas tones the entire body and removes toxins while pranayama cleanses our lungs, oxygenates our blood and purifies our nerves. "But more important than the physical cleansing of the body is the cleansing of the mind of its disturbing emotions like hatred, passion, anger, lust, greed, delusion and pride."
2. Santosa - Contentment
Another niyama is santosa, modesty and the feeling of being content with what we have. To be at peace within and content with one's lifestyle finding contentment even while experiencing life’s difficulties for life becomes a process of growth through all kinds of circumstances.
3. Tapas – Disciplined use of our energy
Tapas refers to the activity of keeping the body fit or to confront and handle the inner urges without outer show. Literally it means to heat the body and, by so doing, to cleanse it. Tapas helps us burn up all the desires that stand in our way of this goal. Another form of tapas is paying attention to what we eat. Attention to body posture, attention to eating habits, attention to breathing patterns - these are all tapas.
4. Svadhyaya – Self study
The fourth niyama is svadhyaya. Sva means "self' adhyaya means "inquiry" or "examination". Any activity that cultivates self-reflective consciousness can be considered svadhyaya. It means to intentionally find self-awareness in all our activities and efforts, even to the point of welcoming and accepting our limitations. It teaches us to be centered and non-reactive to the dualities, to burn out unwanted and self-destructive tendencies.
5. Isvarapranidhana - Celebration of the Spiritual
Isvarapranidhana means "to lay all your actions at the feet of God." It is the contemplation on God (Isvara) in order to become attuned to god and god's will. It is the recognition that the spiritual suffuses everything and through our attention and care we can attune ourselves with our role as part of the Creator. The practice requires that we set aside some time each day to recognize that there is some omnipresent force larger than ourselves that is guiding and directing the course of our lives. vii
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
I have never worked so hard in my life, it feels so good to accomplish and see results but this economy is hard core! It feels like I am pushing a cart full of rocks uphill! It is time for me to rest then maybe I will get the cart up the hill... I love you, mom
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
When your Uncle Micheal died, leaving a young widow and three small children, not to mention the hardship and grief that comes with losing someone so tragically, who would have guessed that the young, brown eyed two year old would turn out so beautiful and talented? Her art work is astounding! She has worked so hard studying and working to help pay for college...
Your Aunt Wendy, a beautiful woman with unbelievable True Grit! Raising three kids like a pro, working full time, staying single and focused on the kids! Thank God for her mom, whom I will always be grateful for, who - throughout the years, off and on would stay with them and help!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
I woke early this morning to the birds singing and chirping, you would not believe how many humming birds we have now ~ there are 7 feeders out and when I looked this morning every feeder was full with drunk hummers!
I am so grateful for my life, I wake up excited, full of energy and knowing that God is in charge! Grateful that I am free from drugs and alcohol, free from having to chase WHATEVER it was, that I thought I had to have to function, to be happy, and best of all ~ free to just be...
Tomorrow is Mothers Day! I love celebrating this day as I have pride in the choices, the hard work and dedication to changing my life, not only for me but for my children, and my children's children! I am picking up Kennedy after work today and he will spend the night then in the morning we will go have breakfast with mom in Oak Glen. I will be thinking of you all day and sending prayers and love.
I love you Lance, I will love you forever, you were born from me, you are Gods child - a miracle!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Early next morning, Easter Sunday I called the prison visitor hot line and they were NOT on lock down, we were going in! Folsom is a beautiful area with lush greenery, lakes, waterfalls and wild turkeys!.... We arrived, parked in a huge parking lot that was not crowded. Easter is not a big visiting day? The prison itself - large grey sprawling buildings - we find the visitor processing building, fill out our forms for visiting and check in...They have many rules of what you can wear and what you can bring in...Will's Levis being something you can not wear in! Luckily they have a place called "family house" where you can trade your clothes for something that works...Also had to trade his steel toe boots for slippers!! Now we are ready to go in - you take coats, shoes off and place everything on a trey and go thru the detector, just like at the airport - well I could not get through without it going off. They tell you not to wear bras with wire, which I did not, but for whatever reason this bra was not going to work and they were not letting me in! I was starting to panic, I have driven all this way to see my son and I might not see him... I remembered I had another sports bra in the car, I went out again got it and traded, this bra worked! We were led now to a bus and taken to about 4 stops Lance's "bunker" C - we get off bus to go thru another processing room!!! Finally led to a large cafeteria looking room with small tables and chairs...Vending machines everywhere!! Normal diet there has no sugar or caffeine...so when you visit the inmates they love to have vending food! It took Lance awhile to come out but he did....With tears streaming down my face we hugged long and hard...he looks good, thin....we talked and talked...So many people sent hugs and prayers for me to give him, one of my favorite friends, who has known lance for many years asked me to send her love and to ask Lance what his wildest dream is, to hold it, think about it with no need to share it....I delivered this message with great joy in my heart! we ate from vending machines, laughed and it was so good!!! At 2:00 visiting hours are over and we had to say goodbye... I am so glad we made the trip it is so important for me to show my son that I have not given up and that I love him....
Saturday, April 23, 2011
I called the prison they are not on lockdown! I am on my way, think it will take about 8 hours, stay in a hotel near the prison and go in - visiting hours are 9:30-2:30 - God is with me, right here! As our good friend Karen has reminded me, see you soon....
I love you,
Friday, April 22, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
When I met your dad we instantly connected, he was very good looking, with large grey eyes, very tall and broad of shoulder... I was young - 17 or 18 not out of high school yet and he was 21 or 22. He lived in his moms house in San Bernardino, a nice house - Spanish style with a great yard! His mom and dad had divorced when he was young and he never saw his dad...His mom was living in Greece they were Greek, your dads grandma lived down the street and loved your dad - she called him Johny and kind of mothered him. She and I became good friends and when you were born, oh she just loved you so much - you called her ya ya...Your dad worked construction and he liked it...He loved food, long drives, movies, reading the paper, and books, he was smart, liked to figure things out...Even though we were young and dysfunctional we had some pretty good times...I think when things became to overwhelming he ran like his father did. I want you to know that he was and is a good man...You do not have to repeat this cycle! Try not to think of how much you are missing or the thoughts of failing. I know the Man you are, I see the Father you will be...I loved your dad and when I hold Kennedy I am so grateful for those two young dysfunctional kids who tripped into parenthood with you!